Some Sunny Day
by drenchedinsunset
Summary: Stanley and Stanford Pines set out on their boat trip around the world. As they work to rebuild their relationship and Stan's memories, they find that they have a lot left to learn about each other.
1. Chapter 1

The Pines twins had been at sea for a few months, working hard to distance themselves from a past they would rather forget, while moving towards the future they should have made a long time ago. They traversed the waters, plotting a lazy path to the Arctic, neither of them in much of a hurry anymore and satisfied with the journey itself.

After the events of Weirdmageddon and sending the kids home, it quickly became clear to Ford that his brother had been faking the return of some of his memories, for the sake of the kids. While he did remember the broad strokes of his life and a few details about each of his loved ones, there were still large gaps in the life of Stanley Pines that were like a chasm in his mind. When Ford realized this he ran into the basement, a bewildered Stan left standing in the Mystery Shack gift shop as he tried to remember the code to the basement door behind the vending machine.

When Ford ran back up the stairs he presented Stan with a journal, exactly like his own, but this one blank. Stan took it and turned it over, a shining gold emblem of the symbol on his fez winking back at him from the cover.

"I thought maybe you could use this to write down things as you remember them."

Stan's eyes swam, and he threw his arms around his brother, eliciting an "oof!" from Ford.

Ford patted him on the back. "You're welcome, Stanley."

"Thank you. THANK YOU," Stan whispered, a slight quaver in his voice.

* * *

When it came to actually choosing the boat they would be sailing around the world, they of course encountered some disagreement. While Ford was focused on finding a boat that would be physically and functionally sound, Stan was more motivated by nostalgia.

They argued over this boat and that, the merchants at the docks rolling their eyes at these two old men that thought they could become sailors overnight. Ford wanted something with a motor, while Stan would have been perfectly content with a rickety old sailboat like the one they'd rebuilt as kids.

Eventually, they found a boat that suited both their needs: an old trawler, with a sturdy, worn-in motor. Ford insisted it would be insane to attempt to bring a sailboat in the middle of the Arctic ocean. It was a bit old and rickety, which satisfied Stan's nostalgia enough. While he insisted on function over substance, Ford was careful to cater to his brother's needs as well. After all, any nostalgia in Stan was a very good sign, and Ford was disinclined to deny what memories his brother had.

They worked quickly to get ready for their trip, both of them eager to leave the darker memories of Gravity Falls behind in favor of making new memories together. They took turns cleaning and rigging the boat, and shopping for supplies. Neither knew quite what to prepare for, but trusted their guts to figure it out along the way if need be.

They quickly found that they could still surprise each other.

While Ford was stocking the cabin with canned food and dried meat, Stan went into town and brought back a telescope. Ford heard grunts and pounding from inside the cabin, and peeking his head out, saw Stan had climbed onto the roof with the heavy telescope, and was attempting to mount it there.

"Stanley? What are you doing up there?"

Stan jumped, then awkwardly chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

"Oh, I uh…I don't know, thought a nerd like you would like something like that. To uh-" he lost his footing, grabbing onto the telescope and almost landing himself and it in the bay.

"Oh for God's sake…" Ford scrambled onto the roof and righted both the telescope and his clumsy brother. He shook his head, "what were you thinking?"

Stan raised his arms in exasperation. "Oh of course! I do something nice for you and-"

"You could have gotten hurt!"

Stan stopped. "Geez Poindexter, I wanted to surprise you…"

Ford shook his head again, trying to hide a smile.

"You don't like it. It was stupid. Like I know anything about this stuff! I'll just-"

"No! No, I…I love it Stan. Thank you." Ford looked back at his brother and smiled softly at him. Stan returned the smile with a grin.

And that's when the telescope started sliding off the roof again.

They both grabbed at it and hoisted it back on, falling backwards together as they did. Landing on the roof, they both looked at each other and started laughing uncontrollably. They laughed the kind of rolling belly laugh they hadn't shared in years, and once they started they couldn't stop.

They had gotten everything they needed, and were packed and ready to go. Stan was in the cabin, making sure everything was stowed away, and then poked his head out of the door.

"Stanford! What are you doing? Ready to go?"

"Just working on the finishing touch!" Ford called from the side of the boat.

Stan grumbled and walked out onto the deck, finding his brother on his knees on the dock, focused on something.

"What are you doing? We- oh…" Stan hopped off the deck and onto the dock, and saw Ford meticulously painting STAN O' WAR on the side of the boat.

Ford looked up sheepishly, embarrassed to be caught being as nostalgic as his brother. He cleared his throat and looked back at his work.

"I thought it was fitting. Right?"

Stan swallowed the lump in his throat and sat down next to Ford, taking the paint brush from him and painting two vertical lines at the end.

"There. NOW it's perfect."

Ford smiled and raised his right hand, turning to his brother.

"High six?"

Stan chuckled. "High six."

* * *

Now that they'd been away for a while, they'd fallen into a bit of a routine. When they weren't encountering sea monsters and the like, they spent a good deal of their time just talking. They sat together in the cabin, or sometimes out on the deck if the weather was nice, passing a flask back and forth and reminiscing. Ford told Stan everything he could remember about Stan's life, and Stan wrote down all the things that he couldn't remember himself.

"Remember when we were kids, and dad put us in boxing school?"

"Yeah…yeah! I do! That was fun!"

"Not for me…you were always the one who was good at punching!"

Stan chuckled. "Yeah, I guess I was."

"Do you remember what you did for me?"

"No? No I don't think so…"

Ford sighed. "I guess I didn't really remember myself until now…one of those things I just…sort of forgot, when I was angry with you."

Both brothers shifted uncomfortably.

"What…what do you remember about those 15-odd years we were apart? I'm afraid that's the one thing I can't help you remember."

"Oh, uh…well from what I remember, I don't want to remember those years too well. It was hard. And lonely."

Ford looked away from Stan and out the cabin window, over the shifting waters as the sun set into the horizon.

"I got into a lot of trouble too, though I guess not as much as you did! Kinda hard to beat unleashing…well, all of that. But there was this one guy I knew…weird guy, Latino, I think we rolled together for a while. He was a nerd like you, always coming up with these inventions for robbing banks…you would have HATED him. I think he helped me out though…at least some of the time."

Stan lowered his eyes, ran his hand across his face to find it wet with tears.

"Stanley?"

"Oh I uh…" he coughed, "just got some salt water in my eyes."

Deep creases formed on Ford's face and a now familiar pain filled him. He could feel his brother's anguish at the loss of so much of himself, and the fear it might never return.

Stan sat up straighter. "So! What was it I did for you all those years ago?"

Ford's expression brightened. "Oh! You uh…well you pretended to be me. At boxing class."

"I did?"

"Yeah! I…I was always terrible at that stuff, and you said you didn't want to see me get hurt anymore, so you pretended to be me and took both of our turns in the ring. I don't know how I ever forgot about that…"

"Hey! You learned how to fight eventually right?"

"Heh. Yeah…yeah I guess I did!"

"Pinned me too, you bastard."

They both chuckled.

"So…what did you get up to during those 15-odd years? I mean, I know what happened in the end but…"

"Well I…I guess I was lonely too. That's why I invited Fiddleford to join me eventually. But I felt like I had a purpose. Like I was doing something _important_." Ford put his head in his hands. "All that time and money and effort, all for nothing…hell, I almost ended the whole fucking world, all for my…my EGO."

Stan reached out and knocked his brother on the head, a metallic _clang_ echoing around the cabin. Ford looked up.

"Hey. 'Never mind all that, right?"

Ford forced a grim smile. "Right."

* * *

Ford also eventually told Stan about what had happened to him in the other dimension over those long thirty years, though he was much less willing to be candid about that than his life in dimension 46'\\.

As much as Ford tried to believe that it was all over, and he would never have to worry about that life again, there were still many things he would rather forget. Not to mention, many things he regretted.

One of those things was Bill Cipher, which he made a point to never bring up. He knew Stan remembered most of what had happened during Weirdmageddon, but they both had made an unspoken vow to "never mind all that," as the mayor had said.

During the day, Stan did most of the manual work on the boat while Ford charted their course and did calculations. Where Ford was mostly silent during his work, Stan never stopped talking, humming, or even singing. Ford found, after a time of initial annoyance, that he actually found Stan's gruff bass voice comforting to hear drifting over the calm seas and into the cabin under the boat.

One day he was in the cabin, tinkering with the one of the lights on the boat that had gone out. He was trying to figure out if he had the necessary materials to craft another lightbulb like the one he'd made for the Shack, when he heard a song that made his heart stop in his chest.

Usually Stanley's songs were of the made-up variety, just little ditties he improvised about whatever he was currently working on. But this song. Ford _knew_ this song.

" _We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, but I know we'll meet again, some sunny day…_ "

"STANLEY!" Ford scrambled above deck and ran to his brother. "Stan, where did you hear that song?!"

Stan blinked at Ford in surprise, his hands grasping the fishing pole he'd been reeling in.

"I…I don't know. It just sorta…popped into my head I guess?"

Ford stared at Stan, searching his eyes for a moment, then…

"We have to go. NOW."

"Ford? Go…where?"

"HOME. Gravity Falls. We have to go back to the Shack NOW!"


	2. Chapter 2

Stan stared at his twin, his eyes wide and bewildered.

"Why?"

Ford opened his mouth to speak, and then had several thoughts at once.

 _What if I've made a mistake? What if I'm just being paranoid?_

Ford knew that the song was not a Bill Cipher original. He'd heard it before, when they were kids. But the promise of the song terrified him, and there were few things that scared Stanford Pines these days. Perhaps Stan had just remembered it from their childhood. But that seemed unlikely, given how few details he remembered from that time. Maybe the memory gun hadn't worked as well as it should have. It had taken Fiddleford decades to get his memories back, and Stan had remembered so much just from looking at a few pictures. Maybe it was broken when he used it.

 _No, no, the gun was stable. I have no reason to doubt that. It worked. It had to have worked. Maybe it doesn't mean anything. It's just a song after all._

 _But if Bill_ is _still present in Stan's mind…_

He had to be sure. He had to get Stan back to the Shack to scan his mind.

 _What if I tell Stan my suspicions and it only makes Bill stronger? What if I'm wrong?_

No, he couldn't tell Stan. Not yet. Stan was just started to feel like himself again, just starting to become whole. Ford couldn't take that away from him for nothing. Not until he was sure.

Ford reeled himself in, "Oh I," he chuckled, "I just forgot some tools back at the house! For some reason that song reminded me of something. Nothing to worry about!" Ford clapped a hand on Stan's shoulder and forced a smile.

Stan's eyes narrowed. "You…forgot something? That doesn't really sound like you, Ford."

"Guess I must be getting old then!" Ford turned away, grasping the wheel and turning the boat around, his knuckles white as they wrapped around the cold metal. He took a breath to try to calm his nerves, but his mind was already spinning out of control, a thousand anxieties and nightmares bursting to the surface as he tried to maintain his composure. He couldn't let Stan see the panic in his eyes, as they darted back and forth over the map in front of him.

"What did you forget?"

Ford gritted his teeth, but tried to keep his voice light. "Oh, nothing you need to worry about. Just some very specialized equipment that I brought through from the other dimension. I'm afraid I can't replicate it with anything manmade in _this_ dimension so…"

"Hey," Stan put his hand on Ford's shoulder, and Ford tried not to jump. "I know a lie when I hear one, Ford. What aren't you telling me?"

Ford inhaled sharply before turning around and forcing himself to meet Stan's eyes.

"Nothing! I won't keep secrets from you anymore Stan. I promise."

Stan's narrowed eyes raised, and he sighed deeply.

"Fine. I trust you."

Both brothers blinked at each other for a moment.

"Why don't you see if you can catch us some fish for lunch?" Ford hastily changed the subject.

"Well I was _about_ to, until you started raving at me and made me drop the line!"

"Sorry Stanley, I-"

"Eh, forget it." Stan sat back down grumpily and picked up the line and began baiting the hook. "Hey, hand me a soda will you?"

Ford locked the wheel and grabbed a Pitt soda from the ice box just inside the cabin, and handed it to Stan, who placed it on his lap.

"Thanks, Poindexter."

 _What am I doing?_ Ford thought as he turned back to the wheel.

* * *

"Goodnight Ford," Stan grumbled as he put down his journal for the night and settled into bed.

"Goodnight Stan," Ford returned, as he settled into his own cot on the other side of the cabin, pulling the thick wool blankets over himself.

But while Stan's deep snores quickly followed, Ford found himself staring into the ceiling of the cabin, utterly unable to find sleep. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

 _He was fine all day. Normal. There's nothing to worry about. There's nothing to worry about._

He tried to calm himself, but his heartbeat thundered in his ears as the small boat rocked with the current.

He turned over towards Stan and his eyes fell on the journal on the floor by Stan's cot, glasses and pen resting on top of it.

 _If there's anything to be gleaned about Stan's mental state, it would be there. But I_ can't. _I can't betray his trust like that. The journal was a gift to him…_

 _But what else can I do? I need more data before I can support my theory._

Ford rose as softly as he could and crawled to the other side of the small cabin, gently taking Stan's glasses and putting them on the bridge of his own nose. He grabbed a flashlight and eased back into his cot, pulling the blankets over his head to contain the light.

He felt like he was a kid again, staying up past his bedtime to study more, hiding under the covers so he wouldn't wake his sleeping brother in the bunk below.

But this time he felt old, weary, and afraid. While this adventure with Stan had made him feel more alive than he had in years, the cold sea air did not do wonders for his joints. He'd been running on adrenaline for so long, that when he'd finally had the chance to settle and enjoy the time as it passed, he felt an ache all over, down to his core. Despite all the wonders they had already found at sea, the joy of knowledge and exploration didn't hold the same comforts for him anymore. Not after all that he'd done in the pursuit of knowledge.

He clicked on the flashlight and opened the journal.

His brother's handwriting was as blocky and disorganized as usual, but he knew it well. Most of what was written in it didn't read quite like a journal. Some entries were long, others just scribbled thoughts in the margins. He began with the first page.

 _I feel sorta silly writing in a journal. Makes me feel like I'm a kid or something. But Ford gave it to me and I guess…I want to try. To remember. To get my life back. To get OUR life back._

 _Honestly, being with Ford like this out at sea, that makes me feel like a kid again too._

 _So I guess I'll write my thoughts and memories down in here. Ford thinks writing things down will help me remember and keep track. Some days it's like the memories won't stop coming, but most days it feels like a fog, like my thoughts are blurry around the edges. Or I have memories, but I can't place them._

 _There are little things. Like…_

 _The feeling of sand between my toes. The smell of a hot Summer day. The pink flower Carla McCorkle always wore in her hair. Dad's glasses. Shermie crying. The taste of toffee peanuts. The faint pain of splinters in my hands. Black boots up on my dashboard._

 _The kids and Ford, they told me I saved the world. All I remember is fear and anger. But that's the choice I made I guess. To sacrifice myself to save them. I guess that does sound like me._

 _Dipper and Mabel's 13_ _th_ _birthday. I wish I could have gone with them. What would their parents say? They don't really know me, do they?_

 _Kings of New Jersey. Glass Shard Beach. Lead paint district._

 _I think our father always hated us. Mom at least tried. She always said she liked my personality._

 _I wish I could draw like Ford. Sometimes I can think of images more easily than memories, but I can't get them down._

There were doodles in the margins. Dipper's hat. Mabel's smile. The original Stan O' War.

 _I have strange dreams sometimes. I think they're just memories, or maybe nightmares about Weirdmageddon. God that was a stupid name. Ford must have come up with it._

Ford put his hand over his mouth to hold back a chuckle. He skimmed through a couple of pages, but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. His eyes landed on the last filled page.

 _I think he's keeping something from me. Maybe he messed something up again and is too embarrassed to tell me. And they called me the idiot brother!_

 _But I know he's lying about something. If there's one thing I know, it's lying. But why can't I just trust him? Does he not trust me? Why can't we be honest with each other like when we were kids? I want to believe he wouldn't keep anything important from me, but…well I haven't really known him for a long time, have I?_

Ford removed Stan's glasses and shut the journal, laying back with a soft groan.

 _What am I doing?_ He thought again.

 _What have I done?_

He placed the journal back next to Stan's bed and rested the glasses and pen back on top of it. As he turned away to get back in his own bed, he heard Stan mutter something in his sleep.

"Don't…I…" Stan laughed softly, "Where? What am I…" he turned over in bed and the blankets slipped off of his hulking shoulders. Ford turned and pulled the covers back over his sleeping twin.

 _It's nothing,_ Ford told himself as he got back into bed.

But Ford didn't sleep that night.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Fordsie! What's the word?" Stan walked out of the cabin and onto the deck, wrapped in the sweater that Mabel had knit for him, which he liked to wear on cold mornings.

Ford jumped at the name as he was tying the trawler to the dock. _Where could he have heard that name before?_

"Why are we docking?" Stan looked at Ford with confusion.

"Just had to pick up some supplies. We're running low on fuel."

Stan nodded, "I'll go get dressed."

"Why did you call me Fordsie?"

Stan turned, "What?"

"You've never called me that before."

"Haven't I? Huh." Stan shrugged and turned back to the cabin.

"Actually, Stanley…why don't you stay with the boat today. I can run the errand on my own. I'll see if I can pick us up some waffles for the road, eh?"

Stan turned his head, one eyebrow raised.

"Stay? Why? We always run errands together. I haven't seen land in-"

"Oh you just look tired is all. Thought you could use a break. Do some fishing," Ford waved his hands, searching, "read a book, or something." He turned back to his work tying up the boat.

"Uh, yeah, sure. I guess I am kind of tired. Weird dreams…think I'll go back to bed for a bit actually."

"Okay! I'll see you in an hour or so. I'll bring the sat phone, in case you need anything."

Stan stared after his brother as he walked away, before shaking his head and closing the cabin door behind him.

Ford walked briskly up the dock, clenching his fists at his sides.

 _Only Bill called me Fordsie._

* * *

Stan whistled to himself later that day as he fished, his feet up on the side of the boat and his eyes closed. Ford sat at the small desk in the cabin, pretending to look over their maps. He watched his brother.

 _Am I losing my mind? He seems so calm. Nothing has really changed…has it?_

He could feel the tension between them since he'd heard the song.

 _He must know something is up, but he hasn't said anything. It's only a matter of time before the tower of lies I've been building gives out, but I don't know what else to do. If I tell him the truth…what would he say? Would he even believe me? Would it force Bill to make a move?_

 _We've always made a point to never talk about Bill. Stan probably thinks it's because I wanted to move on, but I suppose some part of me always worried that this might happen. That if Stan thought of the demon too much, he would return just as his memories had come flooding back._

 _Names have power_. _And I can't risk giving Bill any power._

He ran his hands over his face, lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

 _Bill is gone. He can't come back._

As often as he tried to tell himself this, he couldn't be sure. And until he was sure, he couldn't sleep.

He felt like it had been months since he'd had any real rest. He longed for those few precious weeks after Weirdmageddon and before that song, when he had known peace for the first time in more than thirty years. Every night as soon as Stan began snoring, Ford would grab the journal and read. He watched Stan like a hawk all day, and he made each trip into town when it was needed.

Just when he would think that everything was okay, when it had been days since there had been any signs for concern, Stan would say or do something that was out of character and Ford would feel renewed anxiety racing through his veins.

Sometimes Stan would laugh a bit too high-pitched, or call him "Fordsie" or "smart guy".

 _I can't be sure._

Ford hated feeling so uncertain, so out of his element. He was used to knowing just about everything there is to know, but when it came to fathoming the human mind, connecting with his estranged brother, he was lost.

 _If only Bill hadn't destroyed my journals. All my research…there must be_ something!

He slammed his fist down on the desk.

"Ford? You okay?" he heard Stan call from outside.

"Yeah, just, stubbed my toe is all!"

 _What am I going to do?_

* * *

They were in the cabin, telling stories and drinking whiskey for warmth as usual, when they felt something crash into the side of the boat.

Ford jumped to his feet.

"We're getting back into sea serpent territory, Stanley! Let's see what we've got this time!"

It always put a spring in their step when they encountered anomalies at sea, Ford always excited to see something new, and Stan always game for a fight.

They ran out on deck and Ford grabbed the harpoon, just as the massive head of a snake burst out of the water at the side of their boat. The small trawler looked even smaller as the serpent began to wrap around the bow.

It began to charge. Stan stood between Ford and the creature.

"Stanley! Get ready, here she comes!"

The snake opened its jaws and stretched its neck towards them. Suddenly Stan turned back towards Ford and smiled, before stepping to the side.

Ford's eyes widened.

"Stanley! STANLEY WHAT ARE YOU-"

The serpent's jaws were just inches from him, and Ford dove backwards into the water as the head crashed into him. Keeping a firm grip on the harpoon as he hit the water, Ford struggled to get a hold of the snake as it began to wrap around him.

"Stanley! HELP ME!"

He couldn't see Stan from the water. Ford cursed and grabbed the harpoon with both hands, plunging it into the creature's neck. It screamed and thrashed before releasing him and sinking below the waves.

Breathing heavily and shaking with cold, Ford struggled to pull himself back onto the deck. He laid there panting for a moment, before pushing himself to his knees.

"Stan! What were you thinking?! Why did you-"

Ford saw his brother's eyes, and they were blank. Stan stood on the deck facing him, looking as lifeless as a doll.

Ford grunted in pain as he pushed himself to his feet and ran to his brother, grabbing him tightly with both hands on his shoulders.

"Stan? STAN!"

As he shook him, Stan blinked and his eyes focused on his brother, soaking wet and shaking all over, his eyes wide and wild.

"Ford? What…what's going on?"

"You…you don't remember?" Ford searched his eyes, his hands still gripping his brother tight.

"Remember what? We were just talking…why are you all wet? And…covered in blood?"

Ford released Stan and stepped back.

"We…we were attacked by a sea serpent. You…you just sort of…went blank."

"Bl-blank?" Stan put his hand to his head. "Why…why can't I remember? How could I have just…Ford I'm _sorry_."

Ford breathed heavily, his heart and mind racing and pounding. He just stood there, staring at his brother, before shaking his head.

Stan saw his brother shaking and soaking. "Here, let me get you a blanket and some dry clothes." He ran back into the cabin as Ford fell to his knees.

He looked up when Stan put a blanket over his shoulders.

"Come on, just leave the wet clothes out here and let's get you inside, okay?"

Ford undressed as quickly as his shaking hands would let him, leaving the wet and bloody clothes in a heap on the deck as he wrapped the blanket tighter around himself.

 _Oh god,_ he thought, _is it already too late?_

* * *

It was days later, and Ford had barely eaten or slept. Stan seemed shaken too, afraid to get too close to Ford, afraid to trust himself with him. They spoke less, drank less, and shared fewer jokes late at night under the stars.

One night they were in the cabin, Stan fast asleep as always, and Ford under the covers reading Stan's journal again.

 _I don't know what happened to me. One minute we're talking about the kids, the next Ford is nearly dead. I think I did something, but he won't tell me. What's happening to me? Am I going senile? Am I losing my mind? How could I just abandon Ford in a fight like that? How could I have just disappeared when he needed me most? I've never stepped away from a fight in my life, and yet I just let him get attacked. Why would I do that?_

 _There's still something he isn't telling me. I know it. It's not just about that night. He won't look me in the eye, we barely talk. It feels like I just got my brother back, and he's already slipping away again._

 _Maybe he's bored with me._

 _Maybe he's remembering that I'm not good enough to be his partner._

Ford felt tears run down his face. "Oh god…" he whispered.

"Ford?"

Ford jumped and lifted the covers off of his head, seeing his brother staring at him from across the cabin.

"What are you doing up? What's-"

The blanket slipped off of Ford's shoulders and fell.

Stan's eyes followed it, then narrowed.

"My journal…"


	4. Chapter 4

"You...you read my journal?!" Stan threw his blankets off and rose to his feet.

"Stanley wait, it's not-"

Stan grabbed Ford by the front of his shirt and pulled him to his feet.

"What were you gonna say? It's not what it looks like? Because it sure LOOKS like you were

reading the private journal that you GAVE me!"

"Stan, I can explain!"

"Oh CAN you?" Stan pushed Ford away and clenched his fists. "You've been lying to me for MONTHS! You think I don't know that? You think I don't see how you can't look at me, how you push me away? Why?!"

Ford looked away, shame and guilt rising in his chest, choking him.

"LOOK AT ME!" Stan bellowed.

Ford dragged his eyes up to meet his brother's.

"What's so wrong with me that you can't just TALK to me? Why can't you be, a-a human being?!"

That stung Ford like a slap in the face.

"I was only doing what I thought was best for you Stan! I was trying-trying to protect you!"

"I don't need protecting, Ford! If you haven't noticed, I'm usually the one protecting YOUR sorry ass! So tell me, Stanford, what _exactly_ did I need protecting from?"

"Bill," Ford whispered.

Stan blinked at him.

"…what?!"

"I…I thought Bill might be coming back. That he was taking over your mind."

Stan stepped away from Ford putting his face in his hands.

"I was afraid that if I told you the truth, it would only make him stronger."

Stan took his hands away from his face, and looked at Ford with fury.

"But you LIED to me. For MONTHS. Because you didn't think I could handle it? Because you didn't think I was smart enough to deal with Bill?!" Stan stabbed his finger into Ford's chest, punctuating each sentence.

"No, Stan, that's not it at all," Ford struggled to speak calmly. All he wanted was for Stan to understand, but there was no calming down Stan when he was this angry and hurt. "I…I didn't know for sure. I had no way of knowing if you were really changing, or if I was imagining things. We were apart for so long…I couldn't know if it was real or not. I thought I was losing my mind!"

"So in return, you decided it would be best to make me feel like I was losing mine?"

Ford lowered his head.

"I was only trying to help. I never wanted to hurt you Stanley. I'm sorry."

"Yeah," Stan stepped back and lowered his arms. "Whatever you say."

"Please, Stanley, can we just talk about this in the morning? We'll feel better once we get some rest."

"Fine." Stan turned and sat down on his bed for a moment, sighed, and got under the covers.

Ford laid back down in his bed and pulled the covers over him. Perhaps it was the crash of adrenaline leaving his system, or maybe it was the relief at the truth finally coming out, but Ford finally slept that night.

* * *

Stan's hands grabbed Ford roughly by the arm and pulled him out of bed.

"Stanley? What are you doing?"

Stan dragged his brother out onto the deck, and pushed him off the boat and onto the dock. Ford blinked in the morning light, trying to get his bearings.

"Stanley!"

Stan looked at him with such contempt that Ford felt himself recoil.

Stan clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.

"If you can't trust me enough to tell me the truth, then I can't trust you either. You think I'm crazy, or stupid, or deranged, but you don't think I'm your brother!"

"Stanley, please!"

"I'm just another experiment to you! Something you want to study!"

"Wait, no, I can explain! It was a mistake! I shouldn't-"

"No! You _shouldn't_!"

Stan picked up the duffel bag sitting on the deck and threw it on top of Ford where he laid on the dock.

"Some brother you turned out to be."

"Stanley, please, it's not safe for you-"

"What, without you? I made it on my own for most of my god forsaken life. I think I can handle the rest of it."

"Can't we talk this through? Please!"

"You're not welcome on my boat!" Stan barked at him. Ford started to pick himself up.

"It's _our_ boat, Stan!"

"No! It's MINE! I bought it with _my_ money, that _I_ earned making your cabin in the woods into a profitable business, all while spending _years_ trying to rebuild that portal and get you back. You just lived on it."

Stan turned away and started the motor on the trawler.

"Stanley, come on!"

Ford could feel his heart pounding in his ears as something broke inside him. _All this time thinking that everything was fine, and I never even scratched the surface of making it up to him. He always resented me. He always thought I resented him. And now I think I understand how he must have felt when dad kicked him out all those years ago._

 _I left that scar on him just as much as the burn on his shoulder._

His voice choked out one last time as the boat separated from the dock, "Stanley? High six?"

Stan didn't look back as he steered the boat away, leaving Ford sitting there clutching the duffel bag. Alone.


	5. Chapter 5

Ford wandered into town, carrying the duffel bag with one hand. He had no idea where he was going, but found himself sitting in the booth of a diner on a boardwalk, somewhere in Southern California. He sat down heavily, placing the bag beside him, and his head in his hands.

"You look like you could use some coffee sweetheart," the pleasant voice of a waitress in his ears. He didn't raise his head.

"Yeah…yes. Thanks."

He heard a mug placed on the table next to his head.

"You just let me know if I can get you anything else."

He groaned deeply and raised his head, the comforting smell of hot coffee giving him something to focus on.

Sipping slowly, he tried to think what to do next, but came up empty. What could he do? Where could he go? Certainly he could make his way back up North to Gravity Falls, but if he left…

 _If I leave, he might never find me again._

 _What if he doesn't want to find me again?_

He suddenly realized that he didn't have any money to pay for the coffee, nor was he properly dressed. He wore a sweater and sweatpants, his hair a mess and his beard unshaven. His eyes were bloodshot and he probably stank to high heaven after a couple of weeks at sea.

 _God, what that waitress must think of me._

He looked to the bag at his side.

 _Stan may have been furious with me, but he wouldn't have left me without any cash, would he?_

He unzipped the duffel, finding a few hundred dollars on top of the rest of his clothes, as well as his toiletries and extra gloves.

 _Oh, thank god,_ he thought. _At least I won't have to live on the street._

Shuffling the contents of the bag around, his eyes fell on one of their two satellite phones, and a tiny flutter of hope welled in his chest.

" _In case you need anything."_

* * *

 _Why am I still writing in this journal? What's the point?_

 _I guess I don't have anyone else to talk to but myself._

 _All those months of trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, trying to trust him again, and he threw it all back in my face. Does he really think I'm that stupid? Have I always been that stupid? I finally let myself believe in him again, and he just ruined everything._

 _It was supposed to be the two of us, forever. Why did I ever think it could be that easy between us?_

* * *

 _Bill is gone. They told me he's definitely gone, that I sacrificed myself to destroy him and save the town, maybe the whole planet. How could he think Bill was coming back? I guess he never knew me at all. Sure, I'm still having issues remembering everything, but that's getting better. I was getting better. Finally._

 _Now…what have I got to remember? What in my worthless life is worth remembering?_

* * *

 _I miss the kids. I must be somewhere in California, right? Maybe I should go visit them._

 _No. No they wouldn't want to see me like this. They'd ask about Ford. Their parents are probably furious with me anyway, pretending to be someone else while I was taking care of the kids. I wonder if they'll let me see the kids again? I wonder how much the kids told them._

 _I could go back to Gravity Falls, but every time I think of it, something holds me back. Ford was always better at the navigation stuff anyway. I might just end up crashing somewhere._

 _Is that any worse than just floating out here?_

* * *

 _How long has it been? It's probably only been days, but it feels like longer. I don't know where to go or what to do. Everything feels…foggy._

 _I was running low on food, so I spent yesterday fishing. I caught a few fish and set them out to clean, but when I came back with my knife, they were gone. A whole day's work just disappeared._

 _This morning I went to set up the line again, and it was cut. By the time I restrung it, I felt so tired that I just went back to bed._

 _Maybe I've been drinking too much. What else have I got to do out here? Who cares anyway?_

 _Maybe I'll just drink myself to death here in the middle of the fucking Pacific._

* * *

Ford had been staying in a threadbare and seedy motel room for almost two weeks now, the walls covered in notes and research. He'd tried his best in this two horse town to find more information about Bill, but without his original notes…it was feeling hopeless.

Even with all his research before, there had never been a lot of options when it came to Bill, and this particular situation…that was new. He'd gone over every way he knew of to get rid of Bill, but without Stan…

He'd tried to call Stan a few times, but got no response from the other satellite phone. With each day that passed, he was more afraid. He couldn't save his brother if Stan wouldn't let him…or maybe he didn't want to be saved.

 _Not by me anyway._

He swore and punched the wall, a drawing of Bill falling from its pin and drifting to the floor.

"Hey! Shut the fuck up man!" his neighbor yelled from the next room.

Ford looked at his fist, then removed his glasses and pressed his face to the wall.

 _There's nothing I can do._

* * *

 _I've been having those dreams again, but they're getting clearer._

 _I'm inside my "mindscape" and I'm running from something. I'm always running. Then there's laughter, all around me. That laugh._

 _And when I finally reach the end and hit a wall, I turn around and see the kids, but they're looking at me like I'm a stranger. Like they're afraid of me._

 _Then I feel like I'm choking, and I can hear Ford screaming my name, and then I wake up._

 _The dreams didn't use to be like this, or maybe I just wasn't remembering them as clearly before. But without my asshole of a brother distracting and placating me, they're all I can think about._

 _So I keep drinking. What's the point in doing anything else?_

* * *

 _It feels like the days are slipping through my fingers. I write in here every god forsaken day, but sometimes I come back to it, and it's been days since my last entry. Where does the time go?_

 _I can't seem to keep food in the pantry. Sometimes I catch fish and they disappear, or I prepare a plate of food, and then it's gone without me remembering eating it._

 _I feel like I'm losing my mind out here._

 _I blink, and hours pass._

 _It scares me._

* * *

 _Last night I dreamt I killed the kids._

 _I saw it all so clearly. I could even feel my hands around their throats. I saw the fear in their eyes turn into nothing._

 _This can't be me. I can't have thought something like that._

 _Maybe Ford was right. Maybe Bill is putting these thoughts in my head, maybe he's throwing out the food and making the time disappear._

 _I'm not just going senile. I can't be. This can't be normal._

 _What do I do?_

 _Every time I think of giving in and calling him, it's like a wall goes up inside me._

 _He doesn't want me to call Ford. He wants me to suffer._

 _I feel like I'm disappearing, little by little. Daily and nightly. In little ways, I'm just…drifting apart. He wants me to disappear._

 _I can't let him._

* * *

He sat at a bar, working on his third glass of whiskey and his last shred of hope. He was running out of money, and since he didn't know how to swindle like Stan, he'd decided to go back home to Gravity Falls. At least there he could regroup, dig through some of his old notes, retrieve his weapons, borrow money from Soos…

 _But then what? What can I do after that? If I can't find Stan, then all is lost anyway._

He swallowed the last of his drink and put a couple wadded bills on the bar, struggling to his feet. He pushed through the door of the bar and began his walk back to the motel to pack his bag. But when the world spun around him, he stumbled into a side alley and vomited against the brick wall before sinking to his knees.

Suddenly he was crying, for the first time since that morning a month ago. He cried with anger and fear. He cried for Stan. He cried for the dream they'd both had of rebuilding their relationship, now gone. He cried because the world might very well be in mortal danger again, and there was nothing he could do.

 _It's all my fault. All of it._

And then the phone rang in his pocket.

His heart hammered in his chest as he pulled it out of his pocket and answered.

"Stanley? Stan, is that you?"

He heard nothing but silence on the other end of the line.

"Stan, please! Are you there?"

"You were right, Ford."

His breath caught in his throat, his head pounding and his hands shaking.

"I need your help."


	6. Chapter 6

Ford sat at the end of the dock in almost the same spot his brother had pushed him off the boat just over a month ago. He fidgeted, running his hands through his hair, which had gotten long in the back, before removing his glasses, cleaning them, and placing them back on his nose. Then he repeated the process.

He didn't know what to expect when he saw Stan, unsure of whether to expect a punch or a hug.

When Stan had called him that night he hadn't said much, only that he had noticed changes and had come to agree with Ford's diagnosis. He'd sounded afraid and unsure of himself, which didn't sound like Stan at all.

They planned to meet the next day in the same place they'd split up, and Ford was grateful that he hadn't strayed too far. He looked out to the horizon and saw a dark spot that slowly grew as the Stan O' War approached the shore. His heart raced, a mixture of relief and fear rippling through him as he felt his eyes swim.

 _Finally, I might have a chance to set things right._

He stood up as the boat pulled to the side of the dock, and felt his heart sink as Stan stepped away from the wheel and around the side of the deck.

He looked worse than he had ever imagined; his beard was long, his eyes bloodshot, his hair matted, and he looked filthy. He was thinner, and looked weak. In all his years, Ford never thought he would see his brother look _weak_.

He stepped forward, his voice low, "Stan…I-"

"So, what's the plan, smart guy?"

Ford swallowed, "I…I can't tell you."

" _Excuse me?_ "

"No, Stan, I _can't_. I can't risk Bill knowing anything else." He looked at his brother, his eyes pleading for understanding.

"Fine. Fine, of course," Stan grunted, his eyes leaving Ford's as he lifted his glasses slightly and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "So, what now then?"

Ford sighed. "Well…how about we start with a shower for you while I get us some coffee and breakfast. You look like you could use something to eat. Then we can head back home."

"Right. Fine. Okay."

They tied up the boat and headed back into town to Ford's motel room, neither of them speaking or looking at each other. Ford had expected more, anger, frustration, resistance, _something_. But Stan just seemed…blank. Almost like that night with the sea serpent. He was clearly exhausted and underfed, but he didn't speak up about it, and Ford didn't ask. He could only imagine what must have happened in the last month to make Stan so potently change his tune.

He certainly looked better when he came back out of the shower, having washed and shaved, but his eyes were downcast, all the fight gone out of him.

* * *

Two days later in the early afternoon, they found themselves docking in Oregon and moving the necessary supplies into Stan's car, still parked in the lot. It was filthy, but no worse for wear.

They had only spoken when necessary on the journey back, but naturally fell into their old routines. They didn't share drinks and stories in the cabin anymore before bed, however, and Ford of course didn't dare to touch Stan's journal. It sat pushed under Stan's cot, and he hadn't seen Stan touch it at all.

They drove through Oregon, Ford at the wheel while Stan rested with his head against the window. Again, Ford had expected a fight from Stan about driving his car, but he'd only nodded solemnly and gotten into the passenger side.

Almost as soon as they passed the sign welcoming them to Gravity Falls, the locals started to notice them and wave, but they didn't stop or slow down for anything.

Ford smiled slightly when he saw the Mystery Shack in the distance.

"We're almost home, Stanley."

"Yeah, right. And what are we going to do when we get there, Poindexter?"

"I…I'll tell you when we get there."

Ford parked in front of the house and walked briskly towards the house while Stan followed. He pushed through the screen door and into the gift shop, where Soos immediately looked up from where he'd been stocking shelves.

"Mr. Pines! I wasn't expecting you! Where's-"

Stan pushed through the door and into the house. Soos gasped and broke into a huge grin, seemingly oblivious to the state of his former boss.

"Both Mr. Pineses! I'm so happy to see you dudes! What are you doing back?"

"Can it, Soos," Stan grumbled. "My head is killing me."

He put his hand to his head, and then his knees crumpled.

"Mr. Pines!" Soos ran for him but Ford got there first.

"Stanley! Stan, what is it?"

Stan clutched at his head and groaned.

"I…I don't know. As soon as I walked into the shack, my head felt like it was splitting open."

Ford's eyes widened. "The warding we put on the house to keep out Bill's weirdness, it must be affecting him! This is exactly what I had hoped for. Being in the shack might weaken him!"

Soos stepped back and his eyes widened with fear.

"B-Bill?"

Ford grabbed his brother's arm and pulled him to his feet, bracing his shoulder under Stan's heavy arm. Stan didn't let go of his head with the other hand.

"Soos, I don't have time to explain everything, but I need to get Stan into the basement. Make sure nobody comes in."

"No. I'm coming with you dudes."

"Soos…"

"I…I have to help, whatever's going on, I have to help."

"Fine…fine. Open the vending machine. The code' 3."

Soos quickly pressed the keys and pulled the door open while Ford half-carried Stan through and down the stairs. Once they got into the elevator, Stan started to look a bit better.

"What are you going to do Ford? You have to tell me, what's the plan here?"

He raised his head and looked Ford in the eyes. Ford couldn't stand the fear he saw there.

The elevator landed on the bottom floor and opened.

Ford walked Stan into the room filled with monitors and equipment, Soos following closely behind.

"I have a few ideas."

" _Ideas?_ What _ideas?_ " Stan pushed Ford away and glared at him. Ford could see that the anger wasn't genuine. He was desperate.

"I thought we would have more time. That I'd be able to run tests on your brain activity and try to figure out a way to safely extract Bill. But…I'm worried that we're running out of time. You're worse than I thought you'd be."

"So…what do we do?"

Ford dragged his eyes up from the filthy floor and looked into his brother's eyes, and he felt himself break.

"I don't know!" he choked out, shaking his head. "I don't know! I could install a metal plate in your head, but that would only keep Bill in, and you'd be stuck with him forever. I could wipe your mind again, or use the quantum destabilizer to destroy him, but…"

"But what?" Stan's voice raised. He was shaking all over and his eyes were crazed.

"I can't lose you again, Stan!" His voice shook and his eyes swam with tears.

Stan lowered his eyes, looking into the floor.

"I can't do it again Stan, I can't erase you. It's taken you so long to rebuild yourself, and you've already given so much. But I…I don't know what else I can do."

Stan started to laugh. Softly at first, no more than a chuckle, but then his voice rose in pitch.

"No…that laugh…"

Stan raised his head and bright yellow eyes stared back into Ford's horrified brown ones.

Bill broke into a huge grin.

"LOOK'S LIKE MR. BRAINIAC FINALLY GOT SMART!"

He took a step towards Ford and Ford stepped backwards, his heart in his throat and his hands shaking.

"No…Bill, you-"

"YOU CAN'T DESTROY ME WITHOUT DESTROYING YOUR BROTHER! THERE'S NO ME WITHOUT HIM, AND THERE'S NO HIM WITHOUT ME!"

Ford's back hit the wall behind him as Bill came toward him, then raised Stan's hand and placed it on Ford's chest. The hand of his brother pressed into his chest hard as Bill spat the next words at him.

"I'M GOING TO BE SAFE RIGHT HERE IN STAN'S MIND, AND I'LL KEEP EATING AWAY AT IT UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT BUT ME!"

Ford reached with one shaking hand for the knife at his hip, but Bill only turned Stan's head to the side and smiled at Ford.

"AH AH AH, YOU FORGET, I _KNOW_ YOU, SMART GUY! YOU'D DRIVE YOURSELF INSANE TRYING TO FIX HIM BEFORE YOU'D EVER KILL YOUR POOR BROTHER! IT WILL BE SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH YOU TRY!" Bill winked. "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, SIXER!"

The yellow eyes rolled back into Stan's skull, and with that, he lost consciousness, crumpling to the floor.

Ford dropped to his knees and grabbed his brother's face. Soos ran to them from where he'd been standing shell-shocked on the other side of the room.

"Mr. Pines! What do we do?"

"Oh no, oh no no no. Stan! Stanley!" Ford shook him, ignoring Soos. "I…I have to enter his mind. That's the only way I can try to fight Bill. But without my journals, I don't have the spell! And it would take too long to track it down again…"

"The journals?"

Ford sighed, his voice shaking. "Bill destroyed them during Weirdmageddon. All my research is gone."

"No it isn't dawg!"

"Wh…what?" Ford tore his eyes from his twin's face and looked up at the strange man standing over them.

"Mr. Pines made copies dude!"

"He…he made copies?! Do you know where they are?"

"Of course dude!"

Soos ran to the cabinets built into one of the neighboring walls, opened a drawer and pulled out a huge stack of papers, bound together in sections. He ran it back to the brothers on the floor, handing it to Ford.

Ford flipped through the papers, quickly finding the page he needed.

"Okay Soos, I'm going into Stan's mind. Can you hand me that large briefcase over there?"

Soos grabbed the case and handed it to Ford.

"What is it?"

"My quantum destabilizer. I designed it specifically to destroy Bill's ties to this dimension, destroying his form in this material plane. If I use it on him in Stan's mindscape, it should destroy him completely. You stay here, Soos. It will be dangerous in there."

"No, dude. I'm coming with you. I've been in Mr. Pines' mind before!"

"You…you have?"

"Yeah dude! With Dipper and Mabel! Bill's been in there before, and we kicked his butt!"

Ford looked up at Soos and a faint smile grew.

"Then we're going in."

Soos forced a small smile back.

"You got it dude."

The two men each placed their hands on Stan's head as Ford read the chant aloud, his other hand clutching the handle of the briefcase containing experiment 618.

The world began to stretch and fade away as they finished the chant. In the last moments, Ford looked over at Soos and saw a calm determination he never felt himself, as they entered the mindscape of Stanley Pines.


	7. Chapter 7

He felt as if he had merely blinked, but when Ford opened his eyes again, he was inside his brother's mindscape.

Stanford and Soos stood outside of the Mystery Shack, but the air was heavy and smelled like sea water, making a thick fog creep over everything. The whole world was devoid of color, the house twisted, all odd angles and backwards signs, like looking through a funhouse mirror. He saw the Stan O' War II, perched atop the broken bones of the original sailboat it had been named for. Everything was still.

He was so shaken by this change of state that it took him a moment to notice that the weight in his hand was gone.

"No! The briefcase! The gun…it's gone!" He looked around frantically, hoping in vain that it might appear.

Soos put his hand on his shoulder, grounding him. "What do we do now, dude?"

Ford sighed, "I…I guess we start by looking around. We'll…figure something out." He ran his fingers through his hair. _Without the gun…it can't be hopeless. I have to_ _ **try**_.

"We could try to find Mr. Pines!"

Ford raised his head at Soos' idea. "What?"

"Yeah bro, Dipper said he talked to Mr. Pines when we were in here. Said Mr. Pines told him how to fight back against Bill."

His eyes brightened a little as he looked at the strange man whom he knew loved his brother more than anything.

"That's a great idea, Soos! I just…well I hope he'll listen to me."

"Why wouldn't he? He's your brother! He loves you, dude."

His chest felt tight. "I'm not sure if he does anymore…I hurt him again. I didn't mean to, I thought I was doing what was best, but…"

"Well then you'll just have to make it up to him."

Soos looked at him more seriously than he'd ever seen him look.

"Yeah…yeah I guess I will. I'll make it up to him."

Soos tapped Ford's shoulder.

"Then let's go find him dude."

The two men turned solemnly, jaws clenched with determination, towards the Memory Shack, and entered.

The inside of the Shack looked much like the outside, devoid of color and much bigger than it should have been. Most of it was steeped in darkness, whole sections of the house had faded into deep grays, and the memories Ford could spot floating along the halls looked faded and out of place.

"My god…he's lost so much."

He looked to the younger man and saw that Soos was struggling not to cry, clutching Stan's fez in his hands and running his fingers through the tassel.

Ford placed one hand on Soos' back. "He means a lot to you, doesn't he?"

"He's the only dad I've ever had."

Ford inhaled sharply at that, partly amazed that this man-child could express something so complex so effortlessly, when he and his brother had always been so incapable of expressing their feelings. He knew Stan would have never asked to hold that role in this boy's life, but he had clearly accepted it. He remembered the way that Stan had insisted on leaving the Mystery Shack to Soos, and how overcome Soos had been.

"We'll get him back Soos. We did it once, and we'll do it again."

Soos brightened up slightly at that. "Yeah dude! Let's do it!"

Ford felt the smallest smile creep across his face at Soos' enthusiasm, and proceeded towards the first hallway.

"Come on, Stan must be in one of these rooms. But be on your guard. Bill could be anywhere, and we don't know how much control he has already."

He opened the first door he came across, surprised to find it black and empty.

"There…there are many more rooms to check." He shuts the door softly before reaching for the next doorknob.

"I'll check this side bro, you check that side."

Ford sighed, "Okay."

Both men walked down the hall, opening each door in turn, but it seemed that almost every door they opened was empty on the other side. However, these empty rooms would always contain one thing: a feeling.

Ford opened a door and heard the clear and radiant sound of Dipper and Mabel laughing, and felt his heart swell with pride.

Another door led to the distinct feeling of absolute terror. He closed that door quickly. Stan wasn't there anyway.

Yet another door led to a room full of nothing but the color of pale blue, swirling around him like smoke. He thought he could smell and faintly taste alcohol, and then felt what could best be described as anger, but felt more like a deep pain in his chest, an ache that filled up his heart with longing. Ford couldn't imagine what this room could possibly be for, so he shut the door softly, feeling immediately relieved, while a touch of sadness lingered and followed him to the next room.

On and on down the hall he went, which seemed to stretch forever.

Ford's heart felt heavy as he pushed open another door and found it to be dark as well. For a moment he stood there, the dark feeling bottomless and endless, filling him up.

Then his eyes adjusted to the darkness, and he realized that he was standing on the deck of the Stan O' War II. It was cold, the sea air blowing right through him as he pulled his gloves on and began to look around.

"Hey, Sixer."

Ford jumped and turned towards the soft sound of his brother, sitting alone on the deck.

"Stan?! Stan I'm so happy to-"

"What are you doing here?"

As Ford approached him, he saw that he looked much the same as he had when they'd met up again on the dock: thin and haggard, his eyes bloodshot and his beard and hair growing long.

 _This must be a memory of when we were apart. My god, this must be the worst of it. The point at which Bill had destroyed him so much that he'd_ _ **had**_ _to call me._

He was absolutely terrified. _What can I possibly say to him?_

"I…well…Bill took over, and I had to enter your mind. It was the only thing I could think of."

"Yeah, I figured out the Bill part. But what are you doing _here_? Why even bother trying to find me? What do you care what happens to me?"

"Oh Stan, I-"

"I've never been anything but a burden to you. You're only here because you're worried Bill is going to get out and go after you again."

"No. Stan, that's not it at all, I-"

"Why don't you just leave me here to rot with what's left of my mind?"

"Stanley! Will you please just listen to me?! I…I know I screwed up. I know I ruined everything. You never did a damn thing wrong, it was all me! It was always me!"

His brother blinked at him before sitting back in his chair.

Ford clenched his fists, these hands that had caused so much damage over so many years, and he started talking. Once he started he couldn't stop.

"I'm the freak and the monster that destroyed this family. That destroyed us. You made one mistake when we were kids, and I let dad punish you for it. He was always awful to us, pushing us around and using us for his own gain…that's why it was always the two of us. It was supposed to always be the two of us against the world. But I was so angry with you and I just…I just _let him_. I let him kick you out of our lives and out on your own, and I didn't fight him. I didn't tell him how wrong he was. I didn't even _try_. And then all I could think of to do was to hold onto that anger. To let it fuel me, to push me forward. It was easier to feel angry than to feel sad, to feel _guilty_. All those years you spent alone…both times…were because of me. All of this, Bill, Weirdmageddon, your memories…it was all because of me. But I just kept blaming _you_ , I kept letting _you_ be the bad twin. You…you were never the bad twin Stan, you were the heart, and I was the mind. I was always so blinded by my own ego and my thirst for knowledge and to be praised…that I just let you be cast aside. But you were the one with a real heart. And I broke it."

He opened his eyes that he hadn't realized he'd clenched tight, and saw his brother still sitting in the chair, staring out over the water. Ford sighed, feeling his breath catch in his throat that suddenly felt too tight.

"Stan, I'm so sorry. I'm more sorry than you'll ever know. And _of course_ , of course I'm grateful that you spent all those years trying to get me back. You saved me from hell. But I couldn't stand to be confronted with my own mistakes and inadequacies, so I called it your mistake and blamed you. _Again._ I should have thanked you right away. I should have embraced you as my brother. I should have apologized a thousand times. It makes me sick that I couldn't tell you this until now, until it's almost too late… You've always been the most important person in my life, Stanley. I couldn't ask for a better brother. I've hurt you for too long, and I need to make it right this time. I won't let Bill win. I can't. I've been a coward, Stanley. All my life I've been a coward while you were sticking up for me and fighting my battles. I made you feel like you weren't good enough or smart enough. That wasn't fair or true. You're every bit my equal Stan. Hell, you rebuilt the portal all on your own to get me back! And…and I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you won't. But I…I need your help to fight Bill. I can't do it alone. And then if you want us to go our separate ways, I understand. I haven't done anything to earn your trust, but I'm going to try. I won't ever stop trying to earn your forgiveness and trust again."

He finally stopped, his jaw clenched and his head lowered as tears fell unbidden from his eyes, down his cheeks and onto his glasses.

"Jeez Poindexter, I didn't know you were such a _softie_."

Ford raised his head. He certainly hadn't been expecting a _joke_.

Stan rose from his chair and stood in front of his brother, already looking stronger and more alive than he had just moments before. He punched Ford in the arm, then clapped the same hand on his shoulder.

"I won't ever forget all the things we've been through, or the mistakes that either of us have made. But…I think I can forgive them."

Ford's shoulders raised and he exhaled a breath he felt like he'd been holding for 45 years.

"High six?" Stan raised his hand, smirking a little at his twin.

Ford slowly raised one shaking hand. "High six."

They clapped their hands together and then just looked at each other, both smiling softly.

"So…what do we do now, nerd?"

"I was hoping you could give me some ideas actually."

Stan raised his eyebrow.

"Soos said that you helped Dipper last time they were in here."

"Soos is here?"

"He had more ideas than I did, and he's been in your mind before. I needed his help. Plus, he...well, he insisted that he come along. He wanted to help."

Stan's expression softened.

"Stanley, the trouble is that my one plan fell through almost instantaneously. I have this gun that I designed and built to destroy Bill, but when I entered your mindscape, it disappeared. Without it…" he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Honestly, I don't what else I can do."

"And I'm guessing that a swift punch to the eye isn't going to cut it this time."

"I'm afraid not."

"Well that's easy then! Just conjure another gun!"

"I...excuse me?"

"It's the _mindscape_ , genius. Nothing in here is real, so you can make anything you want! For instance…"

Stan snapped his fingers and an ice cold beer can appeared in each of their hands. He snapped his fingers again just as Ford tried to take a sip, and the can disappeared, leaving Stan drinking his with a grin on his face.

Ford laughed, despite himself. "Okay, just give me a minute to visualize it. I have to make sure all the details are perfect, or it might not work properly."

He closed his eyes and concentrated. He imagined himself building the gun from scratch, as he had slowly over those thirty years through the portal, slowly collecting each piece and assembling it. First was the actual machinery of the gun, mainly assembled from re-purposed parts from other weapons. The hard part was re-assembling the core in his mind, the power that he'd worked so hard to design and configure. This had taken more than a decade of research the first time he'd made it. He'd scoured the dimension for any information he could find on Bill and what exactly the demon was made of, and then, what could destroy that matter. He'd captured several of Bill's minions and done many things that he wasn't proud of, but he had to admit he'd enjoyed. After years, he'd finally figured out a way to create a force that could be fired through a gun to rip apart that wretched demon into nothing but dust. He pictured the glowing warm light of the substance he'd created, made from matter that didn't even exist in this corner of a tiny planet in dimension 46'\, let alone the Milky Way Galaxy. All that work and effort and suffering, crammed into the tiny glowing core at the center of the massive gun built to contain and fire it.

Within a few moments, a huge gun blipped into existence and dropped into Ford's open arms. He grinned in surprise and quickly opened up the chamber to ensure that it was functioning properly before flipping the switch on the side. The gun hummed to life with a blue glow at the end of the barrel.

"Well done Stan!"

"Hey, you're the one that made it!"

"But I couldn't have done it without you."

Before either of the men had a chance to feel sheepish, they heard Soos call from the hallway.

"Um...dudes?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Bill's laughter echoed through the mindscape and slinked under the door and into their bones.

The brothers shared a look.

"Showtime," Stan whispered, his brow furrowing.

They ran into the hallway and immediately bumped into Soos.

"Mr. Pines! He's here! What do we do?!"

"Hang on Soos, we've got some ideas."

The maniacal laughter drew closer until it seemed to be all around them, and then the walls fell away, leaving them standing in a huge open space.

Bill loomed above them.

"WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL. IF IT ISN'T THE PINES TWINS BACK TOGETHER AGAIN! HOW EVER DID YOU MANAGE TO FIND HIM IN THIS MESS?"

"There's more of my brother left in here than you planned on Bill!" Ford called up to the demon, his heart racing but full of determination.

"YOU THINK THAT WILL SAVE YOU?"

Bill vanished, then reappeared right behind Soos and threw him across the room. He landed with a thud.

"SOOS!" Stan and Ford yelled together. They heard him softly groan, and they exhaled in relief.

Bill wasn't done yet. With one swift movement he threw Stan, then rounded on Ford, picking him up by the throat.

"I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE SIXER!"

Ford's feet kicked uselessly and his hands clawed at Bill, trying to break free as he gasped for air.

" I'LL KILL YOU ALL IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND. THIS. WORLD. IS. MINE."

Blue electricity began to crackle up the arm that held Ford. His heart pounded and his body went cold.

 _No. Please, no don't shock me again. Please!_

Suddenly he dropped the few feet to the ground, his head swimming as he tried to catch his breath, his throat and lungs burning.

When he looked up he saw that Stan had tackled Bill and was in the process of beating him into a pulp on the floor. While Bill had no blood to draw, Stan was certainly making an effort to, as his fists pounded into Bill again and again.

Soos wasn't moving.

Ford called to Stan, "Hold him down Stan! I just have to-"

"ENOUGH!" Bill screamed. His eye narrowed and he turned a deep red.

Stan drew back in surprise just enough that Bill gained the upper hand, throwing Stan off and rising off the floor.

He snapped his fingers, and Dipper and Mabel appeared in mid-air.

"Grunkle Stan! Help us! Grunkle Stan!" they called down to them, tears in their eyes.

"Kids!" Stan screamed, trying in vain to reach for them.

"Stan! They're not real!" Ford threw himself at Stan and tried to hold his brother back, but he was too far gone, too caught up in the illusion.

Bill snapped his fingers again, and red electricity shot through the kids. They screamed, the horrible noise echoing through the mindscape.

"No! Kids!" Stan screamed, tears in his eyes as he tried with all he had to reach for their hands, just out of reach.

"Stan! He's just using them to manipulate you! They're not-"

The screaming stopped very suddenly, and Bill dropped the children to the floor. They landed with a sickening _crunch_. Stan dropped to his knees.

Even that image and sound was enough to leave Ford shaking as he tried to hold his brother.

 _They look so real. Lying there. They're not real. They_ _ **can't be**_.

Stan sat, staring at Dipper and Mabel's bodies, as the mindscape grew darker around them.

"No...no Stan, stop! You can't give up! Stanley!" Ford shook his brother, but Stan wouldn't respond.

Bill sank back down to their level as he laughed. "OH HE'S TOO FAR GONE NOW FORDSIE. I'VE BEEN LIVING IN HIS MIND FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW!" Bill floated over to the kids. "I KNOW ALL," he kicked Dipper's corpse, "HIS," he kicked Mabel's corpse, "PRESSURE POINTS!" Bill rounded on them, his bloodshot eye glaring at them.

"Rise Mabel! Rise Dipper!" Soos called from the other side of the room as he pushed himself to his feet.

Dipper and Mabel's bodies glowed, and they jumped to their feet.

Bill turned from Stan and Ford. "WAIT, WHAT?!"

Soos, Dipper, and Mabel grinned before running at Bill, tackling him to the ground.

Bill struggled, "NO! NO! GET OFF OF ME YOU MEAT BAGS! I'LL TEAR YOU APART!"

"Don't worry Grunkle Stan!" Mabel called over her shoulder with a smile.

Stan finally raised his head in surprise. "Mabel?"

"We'll take care of Bill, Grunkle Stan!" Dipper called, landing a punch right in Bill's eye.

Stan grinned. "Kids! I'm so glad you're okay!"

Ford let go of Stan and rose to his feet, pulling the gun from its holster on his back.

"Soos! When I tell you, get out of the way!"

"You got it dude!"

Ford flipped the switch on the side of the quantum destabilizer once more, and heard it hum to life. He raised the gun to his shoulder and took aim.

"BILL!" Stan rose to his feet. "You can't have my mind! My brother would miss me." He turned and gave a soft smile to Ford, then winked mischievously before turning back to Bill. "But his aim is getting better!"

"Soos! Now!"

Soos dove out of the way just as Ford fired the gun at Bill. He didn't miss this time.

Bill screamed, the sound tearing through the mindscape, the cacophony burning in Ford's ears. He didn't think he had ever heard a sound so horrific, or so sweet. Bill's body split apart at the seams, his eye bulging and his hands grasping at nothing, clawing at his form as he changed colors rapidly. Red, blue, green, yellow. His body was ripped apart, all the way down to his molecules, yellow flesh tearing into nothingness. His bloodshot eye was the last thing they saw before he disintegrated into the ether.

The arena faded away and they all appeared outside of the Mystery Shack of Stan's mindscape.

Dipper and Mabel smiled at them as they faded as well. "We'll see you soon Grunkle Stan!"

Soos whooped and fist pumped. "We did it! We did it dudes!"

Stan looked to Ford. "Did...did we really do it? Is he gone now?"

Ford smiled at his brother. "Come on, let's go home." He took Stan's hand, and then took Soos' before closing his eyes. The three men faded from the mindscape.

Ford and Soos both woke up from where they lay on the floor and immediately scrambled over to Stan.

His eyes were closed. They shook him. _Please be okay. He has to be okay._

"Stan!"

"Mr. Pines!"

Stan's brown eyes opened and blinked up at them.

"What, what? I'm awake!"

"Mr. Pines!"

Soos threw himself onto Stan and hugged him tight. Ford quickly followed.

"Ow! Jeez! What did I do to deserve this?!"

Despite his protests, Stan broke into a huge grin, and all three grown men laughed like children.

The elevator door slid open, and they looked up.

Melody peeked her head out. "Soos? What are you doing down here? And…why are you all hugging on the floor?"

Soos grinned. "Don't worry about it dudette, just join us!"

Melody giggled, "Well all right!" and jumped onto the pile.

"Oh come on!" Stan groaned, then laughed.

Melody was the first to break the hug. "Come on, let's get you boys upstairs. Would you like some coffee?"

Ford stood up and pulled Stan to his feet, and the two brothers exchanged a tentative glance.

Ford spoke first, "Why don't you go ahead, we'll catch up."

Soos looked at Stan with tears in his eyes. "I'm so happy you're okay Mr. Pines! Both Mr. Pineses!" He turned back to Melody and started to lead her towards the elevator. "Oh my gosh, Melody! You won't _believe_ what just happened!"

They heard Soos talking a mile a minute recounting the evening's events as the elevator door closed and ascended.

Ford turned to his brother. "Stan, I'm sorry-"

"I know."

"You…you do?" Ford's eyebrows raised. He wasn't sure how much Stan could remember from what had just happened in his mindscape.

"It's all a bit of a blur, like waking up from a really, really weird dream. But yeah, I can remember. Well…a lot of it anyway."

"I meant every word, Stanley. And I hope you can forgive me for all of my mistakes and the way I've treated you. I've been such a fool…"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I heard that part already. Listen, Ford, we've both made mistakes, and we've both changed a lot. We're both stubborn as hell, me especially, and we're not very good at, well, communicating. But…I'm prepared to try if you are."

Ford felt a small hopeful smile pull at the corner of his mouth. "Of course, Stan. I told you, I won't _stop_ trying."

Stan's expression was still serious. "But one conversation can't fix everything Sixer, I think we're both going to have to work at it. Old habits die hard and all that. And we are getting pretty old!" Stan let a grin slowly spread across his face.

Ford chuckled. "Well, it's never too late to try." A nagging thought wormed its way into his heart, and his smile faded into a frown. "Listen, Stanley, I _hope_ this is the last we'll ever see of Bill, but with an entity as unpredictable as him, and with your memory still being…well…shakey…"

"I guess I'll just have to stick with you forever, huh?"

"If that's alright with you, Stanley."

"Hey, I didn't buy that boat for nothing, and we still haven't even made it to the arctic!"

"True, and besides, I need to keep an eye on my little brother."

"Oh please, you're only two minutes older than me!"

Both men chuckled.

"You know I won't ever leave you alone again, right Stan?"

"Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?"

"I mean it Stanley, I won't let anything happen to you again because of my mistakes."

"Yeah yeah. Now what is it Dipper's always saying to Mabel? Oh right, 'awkward sibling hug'?"

"Heh. No no, ' _sincere_ sibling hug'."

They fell into each other's arms and held on tight. Ford felt relief rush through him like a wave, and he couldn't help but feel his chest growing tight.

"Oh jeez, you better not start crying on me again!"

"I won't."

They parted, their hands resting on each other's shoulders.

"So what now, huh?" Stan raised an eyebrow at Ford. "Should we get back on the road? Or water, as the case may be."

Ford smiled. "I was thinking we might stick around here for a while."

"Why?"

"Because it's almost Summer again!" 

* * *

Thank you so much for following me on this journey! As a special gift to all of you, here is the fanmix I developed while writing this story. Each song relates to a specific character and section of the story. I hope you enjoy it!

Listen to the fanmix at: /VMjFM2neCaU?list=PLpu8JJwqqs3uUgHhVAgXBv01gb5srIZFE 

1\. Demon Days - The Memory Band  
(If this was a movie, this would the opening credits song)

2\. Look How Far We've Come - Imagine Dragons  
(Stan & Ford - Chapter One)

3\. Way Back When - Grizfolk  
(Stan & Ford - Chapter One)

4\. No, I Don't Remember - Anna Ternheim  
(Stan - Chapter One)

5\. Who Are You, Really? - Mikky Ekko  
(Bill's Song)

6\. Once - Brad Caleb Kane  
(Ford - Chapters Two + Three)

7\. No Light, No Light - Florence + the Machine  
(Ford - Chapter Three)

8\. Anything At All - Motion City Soundtrack  
(Ford - Chapter Four)

9\. Breaking Down (Acoustic) - Florence + the Machine  
(Stan - Chapter Five)

10\. Goner - Twenty One Pilots  
(Stan - Chapter Five)

11\. Long & Lost - Florence + the Machine  
(Ford - Chapter Five)

12\. The Scientist - Coldplay  
(Ford -Chapter Six)

13\. Second Chances - Imagine Dragons  
(Ford Chapter Six)

14\. I Can Feel You - Motion City Soundtrack  
(Ford - Chapter Seven - Entering the Mindscape)

15\. I Bet My Life - Imagine Dragons  
(Ford - Chapter Seven - The Talk)

16\. Shake It Out - Florence + the Machine  
(Ford & Stan - Chapter Seven - The Fight)

17\. Burn the Pages - Sia  
(End credits) 

I love you all! 3


End file.
